"The Crown Without the Conflict"

The last two weeks have been hard.

I still remember the sound in my sisters voice when she called me in complete panic to pray for Luke that Tuesday afternoon.

I can still hear the helicopter flying into Phoenix Children's and thinking what a tender mercy it is that we live on the other side of the valley so that I could be there when Luke arrived while everyone else was coming as fast as they could through painful traffic from Mesa.

I replay in my mind the first time I walked in the PICU to see Sara and Doug and holding Sara in my arms as we sobbed and sobbed together for what seemed like an eternity.

I still feel the numbness that I felt when I found out that Luke wasn't going to be with us any longer.

My heart breaks everytime I see Sara laying next to Luke in that hospital bed with the look of utter despair in her face.

I will forever remember the time when all that could were able to be there together as family as we spent our last few hours with Luke.

Although these as well as other painful memories will always be with me, the power and peace of the Spirit in these moments of grief has been one hundred fold.

I will always remember the feeling of serenity in Luke's hospital room the hours before he passed. It was almost as though Luke's loving arms were surrounding all of us during this excrutiating time.

I will always remember the engulfing love of the Savior that we were able to feel during the services that Saturday.

I will always remember the flowers, cards, kind words, meals, bake sales, etc. from family, friends, and strangers alike.

The tender mercies that I have witnessed in the last two weeks has changed my life for the better.

It is truly amazing that one little life can have such a profound impact on so many individuals at once. Luke was such a special spirit that has touched my life in a way that no other could. I can only imagine what the Lord has in store for him in the heavens. What a blessing he has been in my life.

But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

Mosiah 16:8

At the service on Saturday, Sara and Doug's other three boys Tanner, Jake and Mikey were each given a white balloon that they would be able to release into the sky to reach Luke up in heaven. Smiles spread on many faces, even Sara and Doug, as we watched these brothers share their love with Luke.

Doug helped the boys while Sara sat in the background watching her three little guys.

We sure do love you Luke.

Thank you for your prayers. I can assure you that every prayer has been felt and has helped uplift many grieving souls.

Update

Thank you for your continued prayers in behalf of Sara, Doug and their family. My sister Erin wrote exactly what I am feeling, so I thought it would be best to share her words:

My heart aches.

My heart hurts.

My heart is crying

for my sister Sara and brother-in-law Doug.

Their lives changed forever yesterday.

Sara had finished feeding Luke and put him down for a nap.

She left to check on her other three boys and get them a snack.

She came back to check on Luke about 20 minutes later.

Luke had stopped breathing.

His little body was limp and his lips were blue.

Can you imagine the horror? the panic?

She started CPR.

Called 911.

Called Doug.

All while her three other little boys were watching.

Luke was rushed to the hospital by ambulance with Sara and Doug following behind.

They were able to revive him.

Thank goodness.

Luke was life flighted to Phoenix Children's Hospital shortly after.

He was breathing on his own.

He was stable but critical.

The doctor was hopeful.

We all were.

Things did not improve overnight.

He started having seizures.

Another CAT scan was ordered this morning.

The diagnosis: complete brain damage, inside and out.

His body had been without oxygen for too long.

By mid-afternoon, the machines were keeping him alive.

Doug called all the family who could come to say goodbye.

We all went to support, to love, to help in anyway we could.

Doug's mom flew in from Colorado.

Mom flew in from Oregon.

We all watched this nightmarish scene play out.

How could this be?

From one minute to the next? Your life change so drastically?

We had a family prayer.

We said our goodbyes to Luke.

Doug and Sara had time alone with him.

Luke James Cardon

passed away peacefully at 5:35 pm on January 19, 2011.

He has gone home to his Heavenly Father.

Sara and Doug feel so blessed to have had him in their family for even a short time.

October 31, 2010 - January 19, 2011

Please tell me how you live through losing a child?

It is going to take every ounce of faith, courage, and strength

to get through every day.

I've cried hundreds of tears today.

But that's nothing compared to the millions of tears that Sara will shed

and the thousands that she has shed already.

Oh how my heart aches for her!

Every time I hold Lyla, my heart aches and cries for her empty arms.

I love you Sara and Doug.

We will miss Luke but we are so glad that

Families are Eternal.

We will see him again.

Sara, you will get to hold him again.

If nothing else, hold on to that.

Let that pull you through each day.

Heavenly Father has a plan.

He knows all things.

He has infinite wisdom.

Christ knows our heartache, our pain, our suffering.

Lean on him.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Prayers Needed

Yesterday afternoon my 2 month old nephew, Luke, was life flighted from Mercy Gilbert to Phoenix Children's Hospital due to complications of his heart and lungs stopping. They are still unsure of the cause of all of this and he is experiencing a lot of trauma and is currently in the ICU where they are constantly working on him.

Sweet Luke has a battle ahead of him. They did a CAT scan and could see his lungs were full of debris. He is hooked up to a ventilator even though he can breathe on his own now, they are trying to help his body recover and not work so hard. They are monitoring his brain as well as his lungs and are trying to get his lungs to where they are able to remove the debris. Lots of things are happening and he is a pretty sick little boy. Sara and Doug did everything right, they are amazing but so heartbroken. Please pray for comfort and strength for Sara and Doug and for Luke's little body to pull through. They will have more answers in a few days when lab results come back.

Thank you for all of your prayers. We have witnessed so many miracles in the last 24 hours and we are so thankful that Heavenly Father is watching over their family.

18 weeks

While I was in Oregon for Christmas break I began feeling our little one moving around like crazy! Since Spencer had been back in Arizona already when the baby started kicking (he came back a few days before I did for school), he obviously couldn't try to feel it kicking. The day I got back to Arizona, I had Spencer put his hand on my tummy and sure enough it was moving around pretty vigorously. After a few minutes of waiting, it kicked and scared Spencer so bad! It has been super fun and we are loving every minute.

We find out what we are having on Friday! I'll keep you posted.

We are BEYOND excited! Hopefully the little one cooperates. :)

AZ Christmas Party!

The Arizona Brems' clan met together at Emily's house for the annual Christmas party. We started out the night with a delicious meal full of soup, salad, rolls, and delicious dessert. Perfect wintery meal. We started Family Home Evening with a short Christmas movie about the true meaning of Christmas and followed it with gingerbread houses. The kids had a blast and were so excited to finally get to touch the candy that they had been eyeing all night. ;)

I only got a few pics, but here are the few that I got.

It was so much fun to just be together and enjoy the night with the family. Love you guys!

15 weeks...

... I think. It's either 14 or 15. This is the first picture I took of my growing belly, because before then I didn't really have anything to show. More to come!

Graduation

Spencer completed his Biology degree at BYU back in April of this year in preparation for dental school to begin in August. Although I wouldn't be officially graduating until December with my Elementary Education degree, they informed me two weeks before graduation that I would be able to walk with Spencer in April!

So now that we have both officially graduated (seeing that it is January and all), I decided that I could finally post these pictures.

Before commencement, trying to find his groupies ;)

If you can't tell from the picture, I wasn't expecting him to smooch me while they were trying to take it. I look a little surprised ha!

He finally found everyone! Danny, Greg and Spence were in many of the same classes since they were all planning on attending dental school. Danny was just accepted to Louisville, Kentucky for their dental program, YAHOO!!! And Greg is in Oregon at OHSU attending his first year.

Trevor has been one of Spencer's best friends since, well forever. We love the Anthony's!

From left to right:

Danny, cousin Greg, Spencer, and Trevor

And of course, we finally found Kent at the end of commencement. So glad that we ran into their family... perfect timing for a quick pic.

Jumps of Joy :)

Spencer graduated with his lovely wife, ;) as well as two of his cousins, Esther and Greg. It was definitely a party.

I married such a goofball. :) Man I love him!